It’s been a weird week.
My son is in his final week of Kindergarten. We were hit with the side end of a tropical storm/hurricane–to be honest, I don’t completely get the differentiation, (don’t worry, we’ve had no damage). I had flash visions of Waterworld, circa 1995, shouting, “Dry land is not a myth!!!”, as I drove through the most legitimate flood waters I’ve ever seen, all of which are now gone and looks as if it hasn’t rained here in a century. I had a major meltdown followed by a major epiphany, and right now I’m just sort of jazzed.
Jazzed by what? I don’t know. Maybe it’s just really good coffee today. Maybe my breakfast was excellent in all the right ways. I feel, as I sometimes do when I handle it right, the sense of hope and excitement I usually find when coming out of my dark place. I will say, I’m getting better at handling it.
I used to slip into depression in such a way that I’d stay there for weeks. It consumed me in such a way that I’d accomplish some of my best writing, and think some of my dreariest thoughts. Maybe it’s that we moved to a place saturated in light, where, apart from a tropical storm, it’s generally sunny during a downpour. It’s really easy to spot a rainbow here, and, unlike the woods of Wisconsin, there is no shortage of vitamin D.
Maybe it’s that I’m eating better and exercising regularly. Not that I have ever been particularly lethargic, but I know the increase is helping.
I think, too, it could be something more closely aligned with the forming of my spine. The way it’s become stronger over the last few months, but I didn’t realize it until now. That the amount of guts it takes to quit a job and sell a house and move a thousand miles with two small children is sometimes inaccessible. Sure, we had a plan. He had a job. We had a house lined up. I’d scoured the map for the “good” schools. It was still terrifying. Leaving everything you’ve ever known for the unknown is an untapped nerve I still can’t believe we harnessed.
We knew no one. We still don’t. Not really.
But that’s okay because unlike the other day, when I was so broken up over knowing nobody, I know that eventually, I will. And in the mean time, I’ve really learned who my true friends were. The ones who have stepped up to the plate sometimes daily to check in and see how I am, how we are, how everyone is fairing. And we’re good. We’ve swam in the sea more times than I ever had in my life. My kids will grow up seeing alligators and naming seabirds. We catch lizards and tree frogs and visit places seemingly untouched by the modern day world. Honestly, there are places here that seem almost Jurassic.
And everything is going to be okay. I know that. I do. I’ve always known, I think, because a lot has happened to us, yet we’re still here. We’re still smiling. We’re still finding trouble to get into where we can, exploring any chance we get.
Happy summer, folks. I hope it’s good to us all. ❤