I woke up this morning thinking about the $5 milkshake from Pulp Fiction. (You know, the one right before they dance in the ‘fifty’s club and win the trophy and then she OD’s on what she thought was coke but really turned out to be heroin and John Travolta, with his horrible mullet hair, has to drive the car into his dealer’s house and heave a mile-long needle into her heart?) Maybe that’s weird. Actually, a genius person who probably also woke up one day thinking about a milkshake from this cult classic movie typed up the recipe for it, here. Thanks, Google. I’m not sure where to find half those ingredients, but I’m sure you could improvise a bit.
Maybe I have a friend to blame for my milkshake thoughts. Yesterday we talked to extent about how milkshakes for breakfast are not synonymous with protein shakes, even if that is a devastating shame. And then I hopped on Pinterest and tried to find “healthy dessert ideas” to counteract my craving, and all that came up were weird fruit concoctions mixed with quinoa–the single grossest rice-substitute to ever grace this planet, and they put it in a dessert. Cool. That totally makes sense. For the record, I am not a small woodland creature, nor do I enjoy eating what is essentially hamster food. The other things I found were skeletal versions of normal recipes. Brownies, yay! Oh, replace the sugar with pollen, replace the flour with soil, replace the eggs with barrel-collected rain water. Mmm, yummy! See, if we must destroy the habitat for honeybees everywhere, we must *become* the honeybee. Eat its food and you, too, can sprout wings and fly.
I don’t know. I know that clean eating is all the rave, and that’s cool. I like fruits and grains and vegetables as much as the next person, but I feel like I should be able to eat ice cream if I want it. Maybe it’s morally incorrect to consume dairy. Maybe. But when you’re craving grass cuttings and laundry starch, who’s to blame here, guys?
Totally kidding. Kind of. I once knew a person who ate starch. It was super fascinating, and made my teeth hurt. And stomach hurt. And I wondered if she had, like, really smooth, unwrinkled skin because of it. Hey, Kim Kardashian, I have a new thing I think you should try!
photo source: www.flixist.com