Cool weather always does this to me.

It’s hard to not sound hypocritical in saying this when I’m the one always touting about keeping your eyes on the future rather than lingering on the past, but I am often hit with the nostalgia bug. You all know what I’m talking about, and if you don’t, you’re kidding yourselves or selling something. And no, I don’t want to buy it. I have no will power when it comes to that sort of thing. Especially if there’s some terrible sob story to go with it. This was my great-great-great grandmother’s rocking chair where she knitted an afghan that each and every one of the babies in our family were swaddled in post-birth. Okay, that’s kind of a disgusting example. All I can think of now is some scratchy, nineteenth-century, woolen, ratty blanket that’s never been washed placed around babies that have also not yet been washed. Have you seen a baby immediately after birth??

Sorry, I’ve had a lot of coffee today. (But I’m not that sorry, because I refuse to apologize for my one and only vice–caffeinated beverages. And yes, I hear you muttering over there. Let me tell you, Gin is not a vice. It is a relaxation tool that I only utilize on a semi-often basis. Coffee is a daily-practiced religion.)

Anyway.

Nostalgia. It’s this vortex you get sucked into. Social media is the brain, heart, and lungs of that very toxic organism, too, and if I could just stay off of all those platforms then maybe I would be safe. Although, the internet is still there, even if you aren’t a card-carrying member of the I Sit And Stare At My Phone All Day committee. Go ahead and tell me you’ve never Googled someone just to see what they’re up to. And there are so many avenues now. WordPress. Tumblr. Blogger. LinkedIn. Instagram. Reddit. And of course, the social media giants, Twitter and Facebook. It’s a haven for stalkers nostalgia.

And once you start, it’s disgusting. You’re looking through photos. You’re reading through posts. Don’t tell me you don’t do it. You’re full of shit. It’s like that other thing everyone says they don’t do, but really everyone does it. We’re talking about online shopping here, am I right? Everybody’s click happy. Ha.

The worst part, though, is when it’s someone you don’t see anymore. Just someone who has faded from your life due to natural causes, or maybe something else. And you see these photos of them smiling and happy. And their posts are all giggles and fairy-tale stories, and most likely completely boasted and fake, but you still buy into it because you can’t not. And you really, truly do want them to be happy. You do. Deep down, you still care about them, but at the same time, it just grates on you. Because, let’s go ahead and say it–their happiness has nothing to do with you.

They’re happy…without you.

And that is kind of, sort of, devastating. And yet, it’s not. You want what’s best for them, and you don’t want their worlds to crumble just because you aren’t really a part of it anymore, but a tiny part of you selfishly would be thrilled at a message here and there that said something like, “It’s all a ruse. Things suck without you.”

But narcissism doesn’t really fit well. It’s tight. It chafes.

It’s so much better if you can whole-heartedly wish them well, and, somehow, find a way to just let the past remain in the past.

Until then, God Save the Coffee Beans.

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2 thoughts on “Cool weather always does this to me.

  1. I was thinking about your post for a while. Deep acceptance of your feelings at the moment helps let it go, listening to Jeff Foster’s recordings of Deepest Acceptance helped me:
    http://www.amazon.com/The-Deepest-Acceptance-Awakening-Ordinary/dp/1604078553
    And then, when the true love comes, so radical and so above all earthly, nothing can kill it, not ego, not selfishness, not rain. It flows beyond physical world. Best of luck to you, and peace.

    Liked by 1 person

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