There’s this marathon feeling of “it’ll all be better once it’s over” that I like to toss around in my head. I have no right to the idea because I’ve never once even attempted a marathon, but I think it probably feels something like that. In my imagination it does, anyway. Maybe in reality it’s more like “I am loving every bit of this,” but for me I feel like it would most definitely be a constant asthmatic battle of wheezing and heaving and reminding myself I can die once I cross the finish line.
…don’t tease me. I write. I exercise my finger muscles, damn you. And my brain. Sometimes.
So, that’s how it’s been, lately. I worked this massive (for me) stretch of days in a row without a day off and it was agonizing to the point of my children thinking that if I changed out of yoga pants that I had to leave for work. That sucked. But I pressed on, and now I get to work a normal schedule again. And I feel sort of like a human again.
What I’ve learned from all of this, if I’m sticking with my what can I take away from this experience mantra, other than a massive amount of respect for the millions of people who work that schedule on the regular, is that it is absolutely disgustingly apparent to me just how much I HAVE to have time to myself. And I also think that, as a parent, that’s the first thing you sacrifice.
Some people might immediately call me selfish for wanting that time. But…it’s not. It can’t be. Because if you don’t make time for yourself, if you don’t take care of yourself, and I mean that in the physical, mental, and emotional sense, then you cannot be a good parent. It’s not possible.
And the awful part of adulthood is that no one is going to take care of you, but you. You’re grown now, damn it. No one’s going to come do your dishes unless you pay them to, and certainly no one is going to come up to you and say “Okay, time for your 60 minutes of reading time! And why don’t you take a nap after?”
But where do you put those much needed moments in a jam-packed schedule? I’m desperate to slow down and just be. I want to be the type of person who is relaxed. Who makes time for herself so that she can be there 100% for her kids while still getting enough sleep at night. I think that’s the real dream.
But…now I feel like I just puked up the parental version of The Breakfast Club all over you. Sorry…
Has anyone seen Judd Nelson lately, by the way? Eek.