Photo borrowed from: http://petslady.com/files/images/cat-polka-dot-bikini.jpg
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Magical March feat. February Funk. They’ll be jazzing us up for this next stretch of delirium with heavy intonation in Discontent and a heady fermata on the Doldrums chord. Oh, but hang on, it gets better. Just around the corner we have mud-laden streets and overpriced bikinis in fluorescents that amplify the ashen skin tones. Expect mark-ups on writers block and liquor supplies in the coming weeks. (If you buy the handle it’s cheaper. Just a tip from this girl I sometimes talk to…she’s cute, by the way. Not that that matters.)
Head on over to your local supermarket to see the most beloved sweats-tucked-into-tube-sock combination that everyone is raving about. Also, ready yourself for the get-fitters! They will be showcasing their form-fitting spandex outfits from now until June! Fashion shows will take place at your local Walmart. Free Admission accompanied by purchase of extra large bag of monosodium glutamate or surrender of soul upon entry.
If you’d like to purchase tickets to Molly’s Sanity Fund, please meet me with a large bankroll of unmarked bills at my earliest convenience.
This has been your seasonal update sponsored by Bombay Sapphire and generic $.99 tonic water. Vermouth was not a part of this equation because the consumer is a hard ass.